I am urged to write in such pompous self-important style that might freak anyone out, but look it is just funny the way I feel. I’ve had multiple episodes of insomnia last week – just couldn’t get myself fall asleep for no apparent reason. One time I thought I was just toooooooooo excited about that breakthrough I’ve done for my work as a newspaper designer – hey, let’s not go into details there, because it’s our corporate secret – but I am genius LOL, fuck! I am… No, seriously!
I remember 2 years ago, in the subway of New York, or rather the elevated part of it, Nietzsche woke me up with his work. Then I felt all of a sudden all too powerful, all too happy. Now, you might have heard those stories, in which people went crazy after reading Bible or Nietzsche! (Psychologists warn: don't OVERindulge yourself!) Let me tell you there’s danger of misinterpreting the Holy Scriptures (I might be the first one to call that volume of German literature a holy book, but it is a possible definition for it I should elaborate on sometime). And when I started with that phony pathetic style of writing it’s the work of the greats that inspires, it’s how I try to show reverence – one may suddenly feel a need to write like that, like what you say is meant to be preserved. :) I realize, however, that I just want to call it, talk about it and I am not strong enough to write about it convincingly like a writer, who can relate to something great without diminishing it through lousy wording. There's art and here I am just typing a diary entry, a blog post. Here’s my precaution: life can be insightful, and not all of it is insanity. Ignoring insights is insanity, keeping it to yourself is.
So it just happened that I woke up very early, not necessarily feeling ready for the day, but then I cheered up as ideas about God and atheism raced through my head. It was happening so vividly and too intensely.
A few days ago I subscribed to a podcast: American Freethought. It is some conspiracy!! What they call ‘free thought’ is actually atheism! I felt like 'Come on! I don't really believe atheism is freedom! It’s a belief which has plain abnegation of god as a strict confinement". But I must confess, I haven’t unsubscribed yet – it is just funny to listen to people who say ‘Yeah, we so smart – we don’t believe in god. Let’s hang out together!’
In simple terms, atheism is at its best ignoring god however smartly you can. But more subtly it is escaping the dogma of religion, overthrowing the imperatives of religious institutions. There you see that it is legitimate for them to break it down to you as a striving for freedom. Hence, religion is vital for atheism, and the institution of atheism has nothing to do with god but rather with priests and churchgoers.
Politically it advocates separation of state and church, so it is important. We can’t take our current political state for granted. There were dark times when you could be humiliated and hanged for thinking freely. I would certainly lose my balls if anyone saw me writing this heretical post back then.
In governing people and regulating life atheism is pretty much a legitimate and necessary antipode of religious institution but is it beautiful or indispensible spiritually or philosophically? Now that raced through my mind. I was lying in bed thinking that.
What would one believe if he didn’t in god? So, believers say, ‘I believe in god and Jesus Christ, or Buddha, or Prophet Mohamed’. What do atheists say? ‘I don’t believe in god and Jesus Christ, or Buddha, or Prophet Mohamed’ But what do you believe, bitch? (I have some research to do on what they actually believe).
From my experience though, some atheist guys say they believe in Nothing. That freaks me out. That, I believe, is wrong. I believe and say ‘God exists’. They negate, ‘Nothing exists’. They further add ‘It is silly to believe there sits a bearded guy, the creator, who judges you, while you have to believe he loves you. No he doesn’t! You fool! Look how much misery he wrecks on people!’... Well, that’s a lot of information, but certainly wrong intelligence. They contradict themselves by simply saying ‘Nothing exists’ (is that possible for nothing to exist, nothing does not exist!), and the rest doesn’t necessarily has anything to do with god. Like god is a bearded guy who overlooks your behavior from high above the ground! Come on! That is in fact silly! It’s silly to think that I would believe that.
I am ignorant of the Bible and what stories it had in it. But when a watchtower recruit comes up to me with leaflets and magazines I sit down and listen admiring the neatness of their intentions, the love with which they hold the Book of Books, the care with which they cite it. It reminds me of how by instinct a baby is drawn to mother’s tit, how naively we worship our cults, and how blindly we follow our blind leaders.
As they open the book, they point to neatly choreographed type, paragraphs in light print. The light that falls onto its bright pages illuminates my face, and reflects in my eyes. I know my eyes are dancing when I see those passages. I restrain myself from laughing at my naïve preacher for their interpretation of scriptures is - although not comical but - full of amusing innocence.
I feel sorry for myself for I’ve been denied that book for so long. I come from a country where there it was utmost important to be ignorant of Bible – an atheist must do what an atheist is told. And in the US, in certain corners, one must feel pressured to follow Christianity or whatever form of it, and one naturally feels moved to set oneself free of it, like those guys in American Freethought. Foolishly? No. Rather by naivety, by purest of intentions to rid themselves of lies.
I feel happy, for I’ve learnt some important things in life on my own. I don’t conform neither to atheism or religion. And I believe in god. And that god is not a bearded father that sees it all and hears it all as my supergreat :) grandmother told me. I know, it’s just a metaphor, a trope, a trick, to get you believe in something, not nothing, not what they tell you, but in god.
Surely, a wicked elderly person that watches you is something to impress a child. And it’s just one of the tricks of ethnopedagogics (yes, there is that science that uncovers those tricks) like saying ‘oh, don’t swing your legs, sit still – your mother will die’ – sounds cruel hah! – to an impressionable child – hell, yeah! Some things should just be believed.
